one year ago.

One little year.

One year ago, my life changed forever. I can't believe it's already been a year. It seems like eons has passed from that time. Of course, other times, I think about it and it seems like it's only been weeks. I understand that he's moved on, his family has adapted. But they don't understand why I left. They don't understand how I felt. It's so hard to think about what his family has been through, the changes from the perfect family life. Hell, in March his parents were looking at property to buy and build a house on. Now? They can't even see each other anymore.



I'm moving on. I'm stronger now, and I've cut the poison out of my life. It's all for the better, of course. I gave up the man that I loved because he turned into a mean, bitter person. I saw him recently, and he's still the same person. He says hurtful things and he doesn't quite realize it. I only wish he understood why I had to leave. I had to get out of there. I had to help myself before I got in too deep. Before he proposed. Before I ended up knocked up, just like his sister. Just like what got everyone into a huge mess.

Speaking of knocked up, when I saw him, we did get, well, personal. I did lie to my best friend about it. She's worried that if I keep doing that, then eventually, I'll just go back to him. But I won't. I know I won't. But back to the point. I am late. And I can't afford to be late. We used protection, of course. But I'm so afraid, as always. I told myself I'll give myself a week and then I'll buy a home pregnancy test. I know so many pregnant people, and I do not want to add myself to that list. Of course, if it did happen, my family would be upset, that's for sure. But they would eventually support it. My friends would. Well, some of them. Stephanie would for sure. I don't know about Jason. I think he'd be so disappointed. What I'm most afraid of? That if I am, I'll be stuck with Kyle for the rest of my life. For the rest of my life, there will be a constant reminder, a constant connection with him. And he would want to get married, and I wouldn't and we would fight all the time about it and his parents would be so upset.

Most of all, my dreams would all go away. And I don't want that. My dreams are what's keeping me going.



Enough about that. I can't stop thinking about this guy. It's ridiculous. We connected during high school, during swimming. And we've seen each other a handful of times since graduation, and I can't stop thinking about him. We're so different. That's a fact. But, I just, I don't know. I can't get enough of him. It's crazy.