ever wonder?

As I lay (or lie, I never remember) in my bed, trying to get some sleep before my 8 A.M. class, my iPod magically plays Nickelback's "Gotta Be Somebody." Okay. Not magically. But I didn't mean for it to play. It just did. I just went to the Nickelback, Saving Abel and Seether concert last Thursday, which was amazing. A lot of it had to do with the fact that it was outdoors and it rained and stormed the whole time, and at one time, after Nickelback had started to play, it downpoured, which made the concert about a thousand times better.

But as the song is playing in my ears, I'm listening to the "there's gotta be somebody for me" and I'm looking on the right side of my bed, wondering if somebody, okay, well, that somebody is on the right side of his bed, looking over at the left side of his bed, wondering the same thing. You see it in movies, and I'm a firm believer that that actually happens in real life. I just need to know that this is all worth it in the end, and that things will work out to how they're supposed to. But at the same time, I can't wait. I need to know now so I can plan accordingly. And yes, plan. I need to know what will happen and when. I can't take this whole "take life one day at a time thing" seriously. I mean, come on, what kind of bullshit is that? People die. Everyday, doing normal, everyday things. If I at least know, I can plan things so I can work out what I need to do before that happens and I need to figure out what I can fit in and what I can't, and with who, and doing what.

But the feelings that I'm feeling for this guy. It's not logical. I can't for the life of me explain it to how I need to. I can't explain it to myself, nor to anyone else who asks. It's ridiculous that these feelings have been here for as long as they have been. They shouldn't still be here. I haven't talked to him, not as often as I should to be feeling like this. And I have this feeling that he doesn't feel the same way.

But, then again, I also have a feeling that he does, and that scares me even more. We don't know much about each other at all, and that's so scary to me. He's back in town, or he should be, since school is out for him. I can't believe this. I can't believe that I'm actually writing all of this down for people to see. I just wish I could sit him down and ask him how he feels. Or more importantly, tell him how I do. Tell him that even though this is illogical for our interactions, I really like him and would like to see where things progress. Or, tell him that and then get my heart crushed again. But then again, it seems like that would be better than living like I am, wondering when the next time I'll see him or I'll talk to him or someone else will talk about him.





Quote Bag
"If you just realize what I just realize then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another" Colbie Caillat

"It's like I waited my whole life for this one night" Chris Brown

"Where were you when everything was falling apart?" The Fray

"What a feeling in my soul" Aqualung

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend" The Fray

"So caught up now in pretending, that what we're seeking is the truth. I'm just looking for a happy ending, all I'm looking for is you." Pat Green

"And not a moment too soon, without a minute to spare, you touched my heart when I didn't have a prayer." Tim McGraw

There will be a lot more to add to this. Of course I can't think of any of the recent songs that I wanted to put on this bag. But I really, really need to go to sleep now.