i want to feel the heat with somebody.

i am hating a lot of things right now.

1. i hate being single when i know all i want is to be in a relationship. i miss feeling that companionship with someone else. i miss feeling that closeness with that one other person who, no matter what, was always there for you.

2. i hate knowing that all my friends agree that i should not be in a relationship because they say i need to work on myself and what i want and what i need. you know what? i need a friggin' guy, that's what.

3. i hate that my best friend wants to be more than best friends, and i could never look at him in that way. i hate that i can't get up the balls to tell him that, and i hate that he thinks he's God's gift to earth. i hate that he feels he's better than my other friends and he's better than any other guy i talk to. i hate that he constantly compares me to rachel, some dumb fucked up chick in his past who he puts on a high pedestal. i hate that he gets relationship advice from him, who doesn't know SHIT about relationships because he's been with the same damn girl for five goddamn years. i hate that he gets to be super private about everything he does because he's a "gentleman" but i need to tell him everything because he psycho-analyzes everything i fucking do and say.

4. i hate that i was left out and i was the only single person at the party last night. i hate that it was super awkward for me and i know that has nothing to do with any of my friends at the party, but it just sucks that i can't do anything now with other couples. we've already moved into that part of our lives. i don't want to be there yet. i feel left out. i feel left in the dust.

5. i hate that i drift from everyone. it makes me feel i don't belong in georgia.

6. i hate that i like this boy so badly, and i feel that he likes me the same way, but he won't do anything because he has to be so damn focused on schoolwork. i don't get it. i hate not knowing. i hate it.