and i know it's been a while

so there's some to update everyone with.

school is over for the semester. no more 'year of turkey learning community.' and it's on to make friends in separate classes. i can't decide if i'm going to let my fears win over my desire to make new friends.

i figured out i can go to UGA in fall of '09 instead of waiting until spring '10, which is really exciting. i plan on moving in with the people i met in UGA, but i'm terrified my best friend will hate me for it. i don't know what to do, except for move on with my plans.

i lost my iPod. which is not what happened at all. but i'm scared to tell my parents.

i like a new boy. a very, very handsome boy. of course, this boy probably has no clue and never will because i'm too scared to tell him. of course he goes to Tech, which would only make sense since i'm leaving to go to UGA in a semester's time.

what i really want to know though, is how i promised myself that i would make a change and it's still hasn't come about. i'm still too scared to do anything. i hate that about myself so much. i just want companionship. i want that cuddle-on-the-couch-because-it's-raining-outside. i want the holding hands thing, i want the kissing and the hugging.

and of course, this story will end with another, "i don't think of you like this, maybe we can be friends."



i just don't understand what i'm doing wrong.

here's my letter to you

i wonder if you'll ever get it.

the seven things i hate about you, you're vain, your games, you're insecure, you love me, you like her, you make me laugh, you make me cry, i don't know which side to buy, your friends, they're jerks, when you act like them just know it hurts.

it's awkward and silent as i wait for you to say, what i need to hear now, your sincere apology, when you mean it, i'll believe it, if you text it, i'll delete it. let's be clear, oh, i'm not coming back.

gotta gotta be down because i want it all. it started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this? it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss. now i'm falling asleep and she's calling a cab, while i'm having a smoke, and she's taking a drag. Now they're going to bed and my stomach is sick and it's all in my head but she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress now, let me go. and i just can't look, it's killing me, and taking control, jealously, turning saints into the sea.

every single lie you told, i'm telling. every promise that you broke i'm ratting you out. every girl in this world's gonna know your name.

and there you are, on your knees, begging for forgiveness, begging for me, just like i always wanted but i'm so sorry. i'm not your princess, this ain't a fairy tale. i'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well. this is a big world, that was a small town.

and it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now.