"i'm sorry about everytime that i ever hurt you. i wish i could take it all back just to make you smile again, but i don't know how. But at the same time i'm so grateful for everything you've given to me, everything you've taught me about love and myself, and everything that you've help me. i know there's no possible way for me to repay you for all this, but i pray to God there is a way i could help you in someway. i will never forget all the amazing things you've done for me. i could think of a thousand songs that remind me of you. i love you and i hope you can forgive me for hurting you. even if i have to wait until the day i die."
this has possibly been some of the sweetest things you've ever said to me, but at the same time, i knew. i knew about her before you told me; the same with amelia & jessie. one part of me thinks is great that you've moved on, but the other part thinks why have you? what made you move on so quickly? & everytime you've moved on so quickly, i get left hurt, alone & in the dark. i know this is for the best. this is why it's being done. but you are so caught up in my life, so intertwined, i can't see the old me that isn't connected to you someway. i can't see me without you. i was so afraid of this, and it took breaking up to realize this. i don't know how to go on with life without you, but i know i have to. moving on, getting over you has been the hardest thing i've ever had to do, and i know i have to do it.
i thought it was true love. truely, i did. but when i found myself crying in the car after hearing Mr. Brightside, still, after ten months after it happened, i knew i needed to get over it on my own before i hurt you in the process. i knew after everytime i saw her or heard about her or even saw her name, i couldn't keep doing this. i'm still angry at you. i still hate you for what you did back in january. you ruined my birthday, and i still hate you for that. i hate you for your damned lip ring and that damned motorcycle. i begged you not to get it and you still did. i cried and asked you, 'what about me?' and yet, you still did it. i hate you for not going to greg & mike's weddings. what did i do to make you not care enough? to not care like i did? i felt we were family, but it was never enough. we were too fast, too much, and too involved way too young. i missed out on growing up as a person; instead, i was one-half of a whole. i hate that these last 6 months have been about you. i hate that your damn family made it that way. i hate jonathan. i hate your damn father and what he did. i hate that night when our lives fell apart. i hate that you never trusted me and that i always gave in to your inquiries. i hate that your friends influence you.
most of all, i hate that i'm all alone.
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